Yesterday was lovely, we went an hour south to Bramston Beach with a couple of girls from work and their other halves plus all the dogs, to go fishing. We sat at the edge of the water and whilst the boys talked fishing and fishing stories for hours, us girls talked, we laughed, we had a couple of drinks and ate, and I felt so good. These girls are quickly becoming an important part of my life, and it’s such a good feeling especially since it wasn’t that long ago I was feeling so lost, like I had no one close to me, no one I could really talk to.
But possibly the most interesting part of the evening was one of these girls has an extraordinary talent, she has incredible intuition and picks up on energies around her. I haven’t known her very long but I already feel like she always knows what’s best for me (she was an integral part of getting me into my new position) and she really listens to what I say. She also does card readings so she did a reading for me. Now I know there are a lot of sceptics out there that probably believe it’s a load of mumbo jumbo, but whilst I’m not religious and don’t believe in God or any pearly white gates, I do believe that everything does happen for a reason and there is something else out there for us. And we all have something we believe in.
Now Elizabeth, I do apologise if you read this and cringe because I’ve completely misinterpreted or forgotten parts as I do have the memory of a goldfish, please feel free to correct me!!
My first card related to insecurities and feeling secure – that I am holding on to unnecessary insecurities and I need to let go of these and know that everything will be OK. I thought about what this could relate to and there are a couple of situations. My first insecurity would be my job and my ability to do it. I was told of a higher position late in the week that I would be good for, that people are pushing for me to apply for and helping me in every possible way to make it happen, and although it is something I would absolutely love to do my first reaction is doubt, ‘I couldn’t do that don’t be ridiculous!’ I think I hold myself back because I have so much self-doubt and why? I am good at what I do, what’s the worst that could happen? I’m a very awkward insecure person with my look, my little quirks, and I prefer being anonymous and not knowing anyone, and sometimes that’s really not a good way to be. I can do anything I want, anything I put my mind to, I need to believe in myself.
My second would insecurity would be this blog. After my last entry I thought ‘no that’s it, I think I may lay this to rest for a while, I’ve got nothing really interesting to say, no one cares what I’ve got to say’ but I’ve got to stop thinking like that. It doesn’t matter if no one reads what I write, I’m doing this for myself, not to get any recognition for it. I’ve gotta stop being such a numbers whore! So I’m going to keep crapping on whether you like it or not!
And thirdly, which is my biggest and main insecurity, would be my relationship. I’ve said before about mine and Mitch’s breakup at the start of the year, and whilst it was only a short amount of time and it’s normal for long term relationships to go through that and it turned out to be the best thing for us, it really knocked me around, and I’ve always had this lingering voice in my head, as soon as things start to go wrong and we have a fight or Mitch is having a bad few days, that voice pipes up and says ‘well you may as well start preparing for another break up, because you refused to last time and look where that got you’ so I start distancing myself as well, preparing for the worst. I gotta let that shit go. Just because things seem a bit crap doesn’t mean they are going to last this way. I’m way too overdramatic and worst case scenario all the time, and 9.9 times out of 10 everything goes back to normal. Everything is going to be alright.
My second card related to my creativity and how I have been neglecting it. I have been. Going back to why I started this blog, I needed an outlet for writing. I love writing, I love being able to express myself fully without all my stuttering I do when talking or the other weird things I do that I can’t control. So I really shouldn’t stop doing this. Even if I’ve got nothing to say, I’ll keep writing and hope that others will still reach out to me while I do it. Something else I’m missing is my music. I started playing cello in grade 3 all the way through to year 12 and it’s something I really love, again it’s a way to express myself, feel emotional and release energy when I can feel comfortable doing it, without the weird looks and judgement. I think it’s time to start thinking of a way how I can safely transport it across the country to me.
My last card related to awakening my true self, which sort of links the three together. I have spent a lot of this year looking after others, and whilst I would have it no other way it has been difficult at times. I have helped and supported Mitch with all his battles and will always continue to do so. I have tried to do everything I can for my family whilst my dad has been recovering, and worrying all the time about the impacts and stress on everyone else, and I’ve tried to shoulder as much of the burden as I could from so far away. But now everything is settling down, dad is well on the road to recovery and has been home for over 2 months now, and Mitch is doing a hell of a lot better than he was a few months ago, he said two days ago how happy he is with his patch of dirt, two boofhead dogs, and me, and I couldn’t ask for anything more. So now it’s time to start focusing on me and what I can achieve. I will let go of my ridiculous insecurities, I will tap into my creativity, and 2017 is going to be my year to achieve greatness. I’ve had a hard year to put me into line, test my limits, and I can only grow from here. I’m excited for it.
I also had an extra card which related to nature and my connection to it. I’ve never been a real outdoorsy person but when I need to think I need to be outside. When deciding what I was doing with my life in Victoria, I drove an hour to the beach just to sit and listen to the waves, and it gave me clarity. When I was having a really down time a couple of months ago, again I drove to the beach at 10 at night, and it helped snap me out of it. I guess I knew I had a connection to this type of nature when I needed it, but that clarification was good.
So from now on, you’ll find me at the beach, writing, planning, maybe I’ll set up a busking gig down there with my cello, who knows! But I think it was really great to hear all of this, put everything into perspective to help me achieve what’s coming next. And if you’re interested in having your cards read I know a great person who can do it for you!
Lots of love,
Burn Bridges – The Grates
One from quite a few years ago now, I love The Grates, still do. Patience is a weapon on stage, singing everything at triple speed and dancing non-stop. But this song is a good one to belt out and dance around to – plus ‘burn them bridges down to the ground, ‘cause I won’t be coming this way again’ relates to how I’m feeling right now, I won’t be feeling this way again!